It's Been 5 Years...

Working on my word for 2018, setting goals, and acknowledging our infertility anniversary...

This month marks 5 years of infertility struggle. F I V E. How is that even possible?...A question I have asked myself way too many times. I wonder though, does it really count as five years? Really, I was pregnant last March with our twins (which at that point had been two documented miscarriages and 4 years and 3 months of infertility treatment) which ultimately ended in me delivering Jude at 23 weeks (we lost the twin at 13.5 weeks). So I guess perhaps that time doesn't count as infertility...in my opinion it just counts as a joyous, then not-so-joyous, then joyous again, and then not-so-joyous once more. Maybe that is called a sh*t storm instead? *Heavy sigh*

I have been reading Brene Brown's amazing book, Rising Strong (you can view it on Amazon here) and it really has just been SO helpful for me! I absolutely love the research she does and I think I have read all of her books except for her latest one that was just released, Braving the Wilderness, which I also intend to read. Anyway, I could devote a whole blog (not just a post!) to how amazing BB is (can I call her that, it's kinda cool...) and how she has changed my life for the better!

Getting back on track here...

So in her book Rising Strong, she talks about how when we are going through something (this can be applied to a variety of things, for me, I relate this to losing Jude) that when you are in the middle of your fight, battle, life changing event...whatever you want to call it, the middle is messy. But she also talks about how the middle is where the magic happens. Because in that process that's where you learn and that's where you are changed. She also goes on to say that this is called the "heroes journey" and when I read that, I paused and thought, "wow, a heroes journey, I absolutely love it!" It's such a beautiful way of saying, you are fighting the fight, you are in this, you are learning, you are changing and you will rise a hero. Much better than "you will rise tattered and knocked down." Because, NO, we are not victims, we are victors. Am I right?!



So now that we have established that I am on my heroes journey, we know that I am in the middle of healing, searching and finding resolution (which I am not sure I will find, but I can try, right?). So as this year began to unfold, I was thinking about what my word for 2018 is. While I do also like New Year resolutions, I find it easier to stay accountable to a word and how it applies to my day-to-day life. So as Wes and I (and the pups!) were driving home from our annual camping trip it hit me. My word for 2018 is FAITH. You gotta have faith, right?

So the ways in which I will have FAITH in 2018 are as follows:

• I will have faith in my body to have the ability of sustaining a healthy pregnancy (if we are fortunate enough to get pregnant again) 
• I will have faith that when I do get pregnant our baby will be healthy and will grow nice and strong in the womb 
• I will have faith that delivery will go better than last time (long story) and the end result will be healthy baby and mommy 
• I will have faith in my journey that it is leading me where I need to go 
• I will have faith in my career that the changes I am making to the business are leading AMP to a prosperous and long success 
• I will have faith in my creativity and that it will guide me in both my healing and career 
• I will have faith in timing 

I think the list might actually be longer, but you get the point for now. 

I also ended up resolving to have another word for the year as well...because as I was going thru this process I realized another word complimented faith and that is FOCUS. 

• I will focus on staying calm in the storm 
• I will focus on creative outlets and positive healing 
• I will focus on my business and all of the ways in which I plan to enhance it (I talk about my business a lot because it is also one of my babies -- so much love, sweat and tears into that bad boy) 
• I will focus on staying healthy 
• I will focus on staying on track with my goals for the year 
• I will focus on relationships both personal and professional -- because connection is everything and to be honest I have been dealing with a little bit of social anxiety since losing Jude. So I feel the best way to overcome a fear is to push thru. 

So ladies and gents, this is what I am working on as we near the end of January and kick things off for February and beyond. 

My question to you is, have you set goals for yourself in 2018? Do you have a word or do you prefer resolutions? I would love to hear from you!